I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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