You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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