pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
