when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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