OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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