remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
