i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
