Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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