Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
