someone get that fucking seahorse.
I look better un-naked...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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