She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
