so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
