my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
