just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
