There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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