we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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