i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
