Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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