I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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