I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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