Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
