Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
