Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
