dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
