and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
