I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
