I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
