Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
