So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
