you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Houston, we have a blender
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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