I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
