I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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