I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
