I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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