Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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