Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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