Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
