I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
