is your mom at the bar?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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