I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
