I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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