I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
