my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
