the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
