if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
