this just has baby written all over it
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Everclear isn't food dammit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
