You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize