But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
