Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
