And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
