I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
