My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
