If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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