I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
