I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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