ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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