If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The Olympian is in my bed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
