oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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