What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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