I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
