I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
